Can You Handle the Truth? Five Reasons Why People Don’t Give You Honest Feedback
Do you think your employees tell you what they really think ? I am often struck by how surprised leaders I work with are when given feedback collected from their teams. The common reaction is disappointment and even annoyance at not having been given the feedback directly.
“I can’t see why they just don’t tell me these things,” is the common lament. “I want to hear these things from them.”
In an organizational setting, the higher up you are in formal position the more control you have over your senior staff members’ next career move, promotion, and continued livelihood. It is unlikely you are getting candid feedback.
Here are the top five reasons why you may not be getting honest feedback from your team.
1. Fear of Retribution
As people move up to higher leadership levels in the organization, there is more at stake. Bonuses and stock options are as important as the steady paycheck. With shrinking budgets and impending reorganizations looming, everyone is potentially on the chopping block. Why would I risk angering my boss with a potentially controversial or unflattering assessment or comment and potentially lose favor? It’s better to smile and nod my head than to say what I really think and then be the first one to get axed when the cutbacks start.
2. You Reward People Who Tell You What You Want to Hear
Do the few people seen to be in your inner circle “yes” you to death? Do they publically compliment you constantly and flatter you endlessly? Do they speak about how masterfully you handled a presentation without pointing out how quiet the room was when questions were solicited? Do these people become your inner circle by telling you what you want to hear? Your other team members watch how these folks behave and quickly learn the game. Tell you what you want to hear = favor. Tell you what you don’t want to hear= not a good thing. So the behavior that is reinforced is telling you what you want to hear. No-one then wants to tell the emperor or empress that he/she has no clothes and get banned from the kingdom.
3. You Get Defensive
When someone on your team disagrees with you in a meeting, do you seek to understand and really listen to their perspective? Or do you cut them off, defend your stance, and see them as unsupportive of the changes you are trying to make? Fear of being branded and seen as someone not being on board with the company direction sets in when you do that. It is easier and safer to say nothing or exhibit dysfunctional passive-aggressive behavior after I leave the meeting than to suffer the potential consequences of being seen as someone who is disagreeable.
4. You Don’t Really Listen
Do you listen carefully and fully to what people are telling you or are you just listening for reinforcing comments? Sometimes people are trying to tell you something in a cryptic way rather than directly, and it is easy to miss if you aren’t carefully tuned in. Are you usually attentive, focused, and perceived to be in receive mode, or just on transmit?
5. People Don’t Think You Care
Do you routinely solicit your team’s opinions and feedback? Do you make changes based on their suggestions? Do you show your vulnerabilities and admit your shortcomings in an open and authentic way? If you give the impression that it is “my way or the highway”, how would they assume you really care about what they think?
Getting honest feedback is tough the higher you go up in an organization. If you really want it, you have to show that you do and that you value it.
Do you solicit feedback and really reflect upon it, whether you agree with it or not?
Can you handle the truth of varying perspectives, and learn from them, without getting defensive?
And finally, do you see feedback as a personal attack or as a tool for learning and growth?